Jonah Hex

Hey all, it's been a while since I last posted anything - I just got the internet back. As i'm sure you've all missed me, i'm dropping a few reviews on you today, kind of like a welcome back. The first of 4 to come is Jonah Hex.

Yes, I did go see this movie. Why? Because I love comic books and any movie based on comic books (except Daredevil...dear god...) and also because I love the wild west. For those of you unfamiliar with the story of Jonah Hex (and i do imagine that would be a lot of you, being as Hex is a more obscure comic title), it's about a confederate soldier just after the civil war era of the U.S.A. whose reluctance to slaughter innocent women and children gets the General Turnbull's (John Malkovich)son killed. As payback, Turnbull and some of his cronies kill Hex's (Josh Brolin) wife and son, brand his face and leave him for dead. Hex is found in a near dead state by some nearby natives, and is revived. During his near death experience, however, Hex learns to communicate with the dead, and wakes up with the ability to talk to corpses. Hex leaves to seek his revenge on Turnbull, but discovers that Turnbull is already dead. Unsatisfied, he turns to a life of bounty hunting to assuage his guilty conscience and his burning desire for revenge. Along the way he meets Lilah (Megan Fox) a takes-no-shit prostitute with a soft spot for Hex. Years later, the US government is looking for Hex because, as it turns out, Turnbull is not actually dead, and is in fact in the process of building a superweapon that will destroy the nation of America. It's up to the reluctant Hex to take down Turnbull and finally quench his thirst for vengance.

The first thing I will say is that this movie, like any other movie with him in it, would be much much better off WITHOUT JOHN MALKOVICH. Seriously, the guy is pushing 60, but age hasn't ripened his acting at all. He is still a pile of shit as an actor, can't keep an accent straight for more than a minute, and generally looks like a gremlin. Malkovich does not work in the role of Turnbull, who is supposed to be a badass motherfucker who doesn't care about blowing up a continent, but Malkovich makes the character seem pretty much like a giant pussy. Also, Turnbull's right hand man is some sort of Irish gangster, which I thought was completely unnecessary, and his fake irish brogue grated on my ears after about 10 minutes.

Josh Brolin, as always, was badass in his portrayal of the scarred gunman, but unfortunately Brolin seemed to be the only one taking his job seriously. Had the rest of the cast been different (minus Fox) we might be looking at a different movie, but sadly Josh Brolin alone was not enough to carry this film.

Speaking of Megan Fox, many people criticized her acting in this film which I believe is unfair. Fox's screentime is so short in this movie that it's almost negligible. However, from the few minutes that she IS in the movie, in my opinion, she gave us much more than in Transformers. Good on you Megan.

This movie earns points for having cool landscapes and art direction (who doesn't love the wild west, really?) but loses out for having pretty terrible casting, acting, and a weak plot. It's a movie that's definitely for 14 year old boys, or anyone else whom howitzers on horses or dynamite crossbows caters to. If you're going to watch it, don't spend money on it.